Best now:




I'm on the verge of killing myself (oh the drama) but much much closer to done.

Hi I fall asleep at parties now because so tired always.

In a very extreme mood these days because of work and the only things I think about while working are either sex or dancing until 7am. My body is looking for an intense distraction because it's too much otherwise. Does that happen to you? I bet it does.

All my friends are coming next week and it's so exciting. I really shouldn't attempt to write right now my veins are full of adrenaline and my thoughts are racingggggg

John William Waterhouse
-----------------------------------
There are so many good shows in MTL right now but I can't see any of them until I'm done. Bummer.


Are you afraid of pain? Do you secretly like it? What kind of pain do you enjoy?

A couple of days ago Olga called me a masochist and although I protested at first, I think she might be right.

I use pain to gauge my limits. Or sometimes cross them. It's like a challenge: swim in a frozen lake until I can't feel my legs, work for hours without a break or food, walk a ridiculous distance with super heavy equipment instead of taking a taxi, etc.. it's not because I am bad to myself, it's because I want to know how far I can go. It's always been this way. Is that masochism?

Sunny Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feelin pretty goooood even though I have to work all day.

Some songs for you










it's -33 (windchill) in Montreal, goddamn!

MANTRA



Why don't you listen to this song 60 times on repeat like I did today.
I finished 25% of my work, it's done! Like, for real done, no tests!
The happiest now!!!!!

look who it iiiis


don't show me that!


listening


Kitchen hang outs in the morning before working all day again. Work ownz me 4lyfe, I'll never see the light of day again (except in the morning).

I want to dye my eyebrows dark brown, like, super dark. I want the hairs between my brows to almost meet in the middle. Where should I go to get this done?

I've been printing for days and I can't even tell what's what now, everything just looks like shit and I'm wasting more time and money every day. I tell myself that it'll pay off. Right. Right??

There is a picture of my mom fishing, where she looks exactly like me in the top left photo. I mean, I look exactly like her.

I miss warm nights and lying on soft grass. Also, another fave if you click here
I wish I had some cigarettes but I'm upstairs working alone. Today is such a beautiful day! I feel pretty great.

"Group-repair job on the Chromira on Monday January 25, 2010. Watch how the Chromira prints without the cover, after we finished the job. It exposes 12,000 individual pixels in 3 seconds while moving across the entire width!" from http://hexdi.tumblr.com/

Look how awesome that is! It prints LED light in the dark onto photo paper. I was so impressed yesterday. Working at Hexagram so far has been such a pleasure, I only wish I had done it earlier. In my entire university experience students are rarely given enough trust to fix or maintain any of the more expensive or complex equipment they use (unless they're a tech), whereas it's the opposite here: you're encouraged to learn everything about the machines you use, it's so empowering. It totally made my day yesterday.

I've been up all night thinking and stressing but somehow managed to get 3 hours of sleep, so I can go back to work now. I talked to Amy last night for a long while, it was so good but sad and I'm a little bit scared about LIFE or what'll become of it in about 3-4 weeks. But also excited!

Listening to Dinosaur Jr all day today and also this Israeli psych record that Matt bought me while I was away, it's so incredible and makes me miss home.
xxo

yo, I'm having the best day ever! So happy! Slowly and methodically I'm getting things done. If you decide to enjoy your chores life gets easier.

First of all, I'd like to say that ironically enough, 10 hours after my last entry ("best thing about not drinking") I went and got trashed and stayed up dancing until 7 in the morning. This taught me a lesson, I can't work without breaks, my body needs time off. I spent all of yesterday in a state of forced relaxation in the kitchen with my roommates, ate a whole bunch of bananas, et voila! no more hangover.

The White Ribbon is finally in theatres here and I'm dying to see it. I think Matt and I have made a pact to see it together. Is that right? I'm pretty sure. Michael Haneke is so good, I have high expectations. I bet that man poos gems and philosophy books. In any case, I also realized today that all my favourite movies were almost exclusively made by men because somehow I'm not familiar with any female directors. This makes me very sad.

Can you recommend an awesome female director? No Sophia Coppolas please.

I have so much to write but maybe I should save the energy for more work. See you later, Montreal is rainy and warm. Like spring!