Monday, June 13, 2011

Being told off for no reason

Aftermath. Tel Aviv 2001

When I feel sad or worried I like to recall all the bad incidents in my life, one by one. It doesn't even have to be my life. Anything would do. If I'm upset I suddenly want to read awful sensationalist news in that paper you can get for free on the subway, or look deep into people's faces and realize how tired and miserable they are, remember a story told to me by a sad man about his recently deceased dog and think of my own dear old dead dog, remind myself how it felt to be rejected by someone I love, listen to sad songs, Prince and Nico and L. Cohen, think of my fragile body and brain and mistakes and losses. I don't want to see anyone or talk. It's a trick and it works. I push my sadness to the limit because then just like that it disappears. I rarely feel sad and when I do, I have no patience for it, it's unproductive. I will always try to push it out of my life using any means I can. Just to be clear, if you're my friend I'm totally one hundred percent cool with your sadness and I will always listen to you and try to help you. I know that I have double standards when it comes to feelings and vulnerability. But it's okay because we all have double standards and we should just accept them as a fact of life.

Here's something you can do if you want to help: please email me your favourite poem at tindronomel@gmail.com
Thanks and bye bye bye



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