Thursday, August 18, 2011

Whenever I read in bed I make sure to have a dictionary handy because even after more than a decade of living here I still encounter English words that I can't recall the meaning of. If I don't sleep alone I usually ask the person lying beside me about it. Only if they're a close friend and I trust them. I'm too proud. If it's an acquaintance that is staying over I pretend it's all good and fold the page corner. That's because deep down inside I'm afraid that my still-getting-to-know-me-pal will reject me based on our inability to fully use the same language. But that doesn't happen too too often. OH, ENGLISH. It will happen for us one day.

It sounds silly and defensive but language is fundamental, it means survival. As kids my siblings and I learned the new language in three months, more or less, while our parents stumbled over words and sentences for years and years, until the day we left the country. For us it was a source of embarrassment. For our parents it was a source of frustration and probably fear. Imagine not being able to read the labels at the supermarket or converse with anyone at your workplace for months or being able to explain the hospital attendant what is wrong with your daughter and why her heart is at four beats per second. It's terrifying. And it teaches you to be quiet and listen. I'm not a great listener yet (I like giving advice!) but I try my best.

This entire blog entry was supposed to be about rejection and ways of dealing with it but I got bored half way through writing it. Here's the short version, I scrapped the other five paragraphs: demystify the subject/object of your desire by removing feelings from the equation and try to figure them/it out using COLD LOGIC. If all else fails force yourself to get busy with something else and you will get over the rejection quickly. This entry is for Xenia and Toti and all my other friends who are intimate with the dictionary. See you later I love you!

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