The first thing I notice getting out of a long term relationship is that suddenly those moments when I usually feel some sort of elation -- like when I ride my bike while listening to my favourite song or walk around my neigbhourhood with the sun shining on my smiling face -- they suddenly feel very lonely. I notice it right away because I have a strong habit of sharing everything all the time. I HAVE to tell someone that the sun shone on my face while I smiled and describe how great it felt and the person I tell has to be in love with me enough to appreciate this moment I experienced and maybe be in love with it too and then communicate it back to me. Affirmation!! Etc... life is complicated. Breakups suck for everyone. What I miss the most is hours of conversation about art and books and history and lil' Wayne. I don't think I've ever talked to anyone so openly about my ideas before.
Another thing I noticed is how foreign other bodies feel. I don't know if I'll ever get used to new bodies or to the way they smell. It's like sitting squished next to someone on a busy bus or having a doctor examine you so closely you can almost smell their breath. Now imagine instead this bus or doctor person in your arms, maybe even in your bed! I imagine it all the time and it makes me feel weird. But bodies have this magic quality of transforming over time and habit into someone we want to sit next to and even desire. I read a great shitty article in a fashion magazine for older (25+) "ladies" where women in their thirties whose "biological clock must be ticking" were warned against sleeping with just "any man" unless he could be a potential mate. Because of Oxytocin of course. The more you sleep with that man the harder your body will convince you that you need him as a partner, even if he isn't good enough to be one. I thought it was hilarious and kind of true. Fashion magazines may bullshit you but chemistry is very real.
Hey I have some work in this show titled "The Land Seen From the Sea" (how appropriate!) in Genoa (CLICK) - if you're in Italy you should go see and tell me about it.
Hennessy Youngman came to give a talk in Toronto and apparently there was a line up the size of a city block. I didn't go. There's a pretty scandalous review of the talk here (CLICK).
Speaking of scandals, I'm reading "Just Kids" by Patti Smith (finally) and I kind of hate it. Steve Kado and I talked during our reading group meeting and both admitted that we really want to like Patti Smith but we just don't. Thinking back now, I realize that I never felt any connection to her lyrics no matter how hard I tried to. I find her too flowery, cryptic, insincere. It sounds like nonsense to me. She seems to desire to make everything seem better and prettier than it is, which is the exact opposite of my impulse. I love dirt. If something's ugly let it be ugly.
I had such a great little day yesterday, I wish all my days were like that. There is a show I want to see, at Susan Hobbs, work by Althea Thauberger. And Tasman Richardson at MOCCA. I'm sure you've seen them already but if not please come with me. Here are my current favourite paintings.