Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Birth-stones, found crystals and pyrite presents. I'm going to get bankrupt over rocks. 

I've been thinking a lot about two things: women in love and empathy. Those are two separate thoughts BTW. When I was ten I stole a cassette tape from my best friend's dad's collection. It was a really shitty mix-tape - adult oriented - Patricia Kaas, Barbara Streisand and Chris de Burgh and there was that one song by Vanessa Paradis "Joe le taxi". Remember that song?! Anyway somehow at the time I refused to align myself with Paradis even though she was way closer in age to me than all the dinosaurs on that tape. I think the reason for that was because at that point in my life I was desperately trying to appear more mature, I felt as if maturity was a secret, something to be proud of. I listened to that song "Woman in Love" by Streisand and it was epic, almost heroic, and I imagined that love - adult love - was kind of like that. In my mind I created this "adult" version of everything I was already aware of at the time: knowledge, sex and relationships and the adult version seemed so ordered and  so appealing that I wanted the transition to take place already. I hate waiting.

The first time I was in love was not a good experience mostly because I've come to realize that there is no order or heroism and the song was long gone from my head. Being in love was and is kind of ugly and scary until you figure things out, IF you figure them out. Evidently, I would rather feel scared than feel nothing at all because I always fall in love willingly and without restraint. Being in love is the best even when it's the worst. It's like a family trip you suffer through but then look back at fondly when you're like thirty and "too old" for family trips. The worst thing that could happen in a relationship is when nothing happens so as long as you're kept on your toes every once in a while you're probably doing alright.

A few weeks ago I went to photograph a friend and in the car on the way there she told me about her new relationship. Her face was calm but not bored, almost in a trance, and I liked that so much. It's like her face reiterated the words and not in a fake way like people usually do when they force smiles but like it knew she was right. 

I'm having the nicest day, don't let the tone fool you! I'm just thinking. Empathy later, I'm going to the gym. Bye friends, please listen to this song.

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